you have to choose: penises or morals?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
