God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
