i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
