Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
