I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
