you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
