My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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