I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
