ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
