his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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