yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
