Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
