after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize