Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
