Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
