Your dad touched me again.
Small penises have feelings too.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Randomize
