Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize