I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Holy shit dude........stairs
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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