you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
