It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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