i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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