well you can't waste a boner
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
