i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
