So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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