i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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