Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
