i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
