there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
