I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
