i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
