No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Everyone says I win the strip club
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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