Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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