she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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