My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
