We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
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so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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