having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
