what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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