you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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