just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
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Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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