Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
