so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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