My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
