Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
