I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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