A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
