Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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