I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
