dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
