gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
