oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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