Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
