i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
