Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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