$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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