I'm sorry my penis didn't work
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything