I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
