There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
