i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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