I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
