Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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