I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
