Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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