You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
