Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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