This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
