apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
